LOCKDOWN JOURNAL #1

blog, lifestyle, anxiety, coronavirus


Hello again,

Wow! Its been so long since I updated my little corner of the internet. To be honest, my blog hasn't really felt the same the past few years, I think a combination of me losing months of really personal posts as well as the change in the industry and how polished everything became, just completely stripped my motivation to share. On top of that a stupid boy made me feel like it was stupid and really knocked my confidence, so I just kind of abandoned it.

But I'm back, who knows how often, but I felt the urge to write again and I actually love looking back at these posts and reading what I had to say through the years, there's something so therapeutic about publishing a post. Just brain dumping what your thinking or feeling that day and sending it of to the internet and out of your own head.

So as a little 'break me in' post, I thought id approach this like a little journal entry of where I am in life right now and whats happing in the world, because if you didn't already know ... we're in the middle of a f*cking global pandemic. WHAT THE HELL!

Dear diary,

   Todays the Monday 11th May 2020, Im currently sat on my sofa writing this post surrounded by a few of my housemates. All of whom, are working from home because were in the middle of a global pandemic. Coronavirus or Covid-19, which started in Wuhan, China - has spread across the entire world and completely halted life as we knew it.  It's a crazy time to be alive. On my 28th birthday on the 20th March, they announced all pubs and restaurants across the UK would be shut down and as of Monday the 23rd, the UK went into complete lockdown. With the exception of essential food shopping and an hours outdoor exercise per day, were not allowed to leave our homes. 

Although time still moves on, our lives at the minute are at a complete standstill. I can remember sitting on the sofa back in February and Danny (my housemate) and I discussing that the first patient had been taken to Guys hospital just up the road from our house. We joked about loving the idea of having a couple of weeks off work, with no understanding of the seriousness of the virus and what was to come. 

In the weeks that followed, we were advised to social distance, my university was shut down and all assignments moved online. All schools were shut, pubs closed, and the queen addressed the nation for the 5th time in history to offer hope to all of us stuck at home. We've now been in isolation for two months, and last night Boris advised the measures are not to be lifted just yet, to avoid a second peak. As of 6pm yesterday, sadly 31,855 people have lost their lives to the virus in the UK and 284,451 world wide. 

As the virus started to pick up in the UK, my anxiety did too. A week prior to my last day at university, I had a panic attack on the tube. A man sat next to me was coughing and it just sent me over, as I got up to get off 3 stops earlier, the panic took over and I begged a man for help. I ran off the tube and sat for half an hour crying before getting the courage to go outside and get an uber home. From then on, I've had to wear a mask to try to calm my nerves when in public. Despite knowing I'll probably be fine if I catch it, the anxiety monster in my head is constantly telling me there is a chance I won't be. 

Since isolation began, we've had one housemates girlfriend move in and another's boyfriend. So theres now 6 of us, its actually been great, with the allowance of a few days where my mental health has gone of the rails. The weeks have been spent working from home, evenings watching films or playing playstation & workouts in the park. At weekends we tend to drink and do zoom calls with friends. Every Thursday there is a clap for the NHS at 8pm and we've created a street group chat and have had sing songs every few weeks. 

Never again in our lifetime (hopefully) will something like this happen, so I'm trying to embrace the calm and not take it for granted too much. I dyed my hair purple, have been painting and trying to make things with my sewing machine. Ive been creating makeup looks and have sorted through every inch of my room. It's so easy to let the days and weeks slip away and I don't want to get to the end of all this and regret not taking the time to learn about myself and grow. 

So for now, The world might be on pause, but I'm still trying to push forward, and enjoy this time we have to sit back and chill out a little. 

That felt good to just write, its been so long since I've done that where it hasn't been a uni assignment haha. I'll sign off for now, but I think maybe I'll come back with some tips on managing my anxiety, maybe some recipes and little projects I've been doing. Maybe even journal entries like today. Whatever I fancy basically.

Hope all of you reading are staying safe.

What are you doing to stay calm?

Soph

x

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